Daniel's Blog

Vice Comparison

Posted by Daniel Lyons Sat, 19 Jan 2008 07:48:00 GMT

Reasons to consider switching to masturbation for your new vice instead of a MMORPG:

• It’s free
• It’s more fun
• When you’re done, you have something to show for it
• It requires less time. With this extra time you can (but don’t have to):
  • Hold down a job (how about that drinking vice!)
  • Spend more with non-imaginary friends
  • Accomplish more than one task in a given 24-hour period

I’m having trouble coming up with good catch phrases for this new campaign, but I have a few ideas:

• “Be your own whore—not someone else’s!”
• “Human Contact: it’s not just for those who bathe!”
• “Aren’t you neglecting some of your other needs?”
• “You remember that part in the Matrix where they show the tanks with the people inside that are being used as batteries…?”